Tuesday, March 2, 2010

March Madness: The one where I nearly die

I was almost murdered in the shower this morning.

Okay, so I'm being overly dramatic. But I got your attention.

I swear to Jesus, Mary and Joseph that I heard someone trying to break into the house while I was in the shower this morning. I was in the house alone (Grant had already taken Miles to daycare at this point in the morning). A few seconds after stepping in I heard a BANG BANG BANG.

I let out a tiny little yelp. I mean, it was a loud, clear BANGing. It spooked me.

A couple seconds went by. Nothing.

Then I heard it again. BANG BANG BANG. This time I jumped.

It was definitely someone trying to break in, I thought. I am going to get murdered in the shower. And of course it's my only wish that I don't die naked. That would be embarrassing.

So, I did what any self-defending female would do: I grabbed a pair of scissors, threw on a towel and prepared to meet my attacker. I mean, I took a one-hour self-defense course 10 years ago so I'm totally prepared, right?

In the meantime I am coming up with a million alternate and more plausible scenarios of what it could be: the neighbor stopping by for a cup of sugar? Jehovah Witnesses, perhaps? No, it was definitely someone who wanted to kill me because of course that makes total sense.

So, I am walking around the house in my best stealth, ninja-like way, peeking around corners and out of windows.

I see...nothing.

I hear...nothing.

So I make sure the doors are locked. Whew! Close one. I was almost murdered in the shower, Psycho-style.

Now that I have dripped water all over the house and checked to make sure every room does not contain my murderer I head back to the shower.

The second I get back in the shower...you guessed it...BANG BANG BANG.

WTF!!! It sounds like it is coming from inside the house. It cannot be a neighbor, it is not my imagination, and it's not a ghost. I don't think.

So, I turn off the shower again, and grab my towel and scissors again, and creep back out of the bathroom...again.

At this point I think I am just being paranoid. And I think I'm right. Because I again find nothing. There isn't even a soul outside the house. Not a car or neighbor in sight. Crap, I am losing my friggin' mind.

I wish I could say that I figured out where the banging was coming from. But I don't have a clue. It's a mystery.

I conclude two things from this: 1) Maybe we should get a dog. Ok, maybe not. I'm a cat person. and 2) I need to stop watching CSI. It's screwing with my head.


  1. or you could just stop taking a shower? my guess is that the pipes were banging since you only heard it in the shower. Ours will do this on occasion.

  2. THat was FANTASTIC!

    That is so me! I am sure someone is going to break in and kill me. We have dogs and a security system so if the dogs don't bark, it's all good, but if they do bark.... eek!

    You are brave to go back into the shower.

  3. Oh, this month is going to be FUN! You so crack me up. My thinking too is something about the pipes since that covers the two times you heard the noise. But it totally sounds like a scene out of a horror movie where we all shake our heads and wonder what in the world you are doing as you look around corners trying to figure it out. What a hoot (I mean, it's funny only because thank goodness you were NOT killed in the shower this morning by a raving lunatic neighbor pretending to come borrow a cup of sugar).

  4. I used to hear things all the time in the shower. Your post reminds me that I haven't in a long while. Perhaps I'm just to tired to imagine intruders!

  5. Do you have icicles on your house? We've had a few big ones fall in the last few days and they make an unbelievable noise! Multiple loud booms!

  6. I think I would find this much more entertaining if someone hadn't broken into the house when I was a teenager and home alone (no joke)...

    But it was pretty funny.

  7. Funny! I can say that now that it's been several days since this happened. I would have thought somebody wanted to murder me as well. Way more plausible than someone wanting a cup of sugar. ;)


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