March Madness: Discontent

dis·con·tent
a. Absence of contentment; dissatisfaction.

b. A restless longing for better circumstances.


"A restless longing for better circumstances" <--- That's putting it mildly.

I am the definition of this word today. I am utterly shocked that my discontent mugshot is not next to this dictionary entry. Because it should be.

I have written before on this blog about the fact that I am not at a happy place in my career (and I use the word career lightly). It's sort of a joke, really, how underpaid and unfulfilled I am.

Pity party, table for one. I know, I know.

I am not someone who fits in a neat little box of career choices. I can't classify myself as any one thing because, as I pointed out in yesterday's post, I have done many things. I have spent 10 years trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and I have yet to figure it out.

Here's a huge clue that you are not in the right job: You have people saying things like, "Aren't you a little, ummm, overqualified for your job?" I get that one A LOT. And the answer is YES.

But it's my fault. I don't put myself into positions where I can either, a) be truly successful, b) be truly fulfilled, or c) live up to my potential. I am a self-saboteur. WHY do I do that to myself? Why am I constantly undercutting my own abilities and aspirations??

Maybe it's a fear of failure?

Makes me think of that great Spiderman quote: "With great power comes great responsibility." I fear the long fall down if I do dive into a career that might be more challenging, more risky, harder ... with a greater chance of failure.

I often wonder if I will ever find that magic bullet, or if it even exists.

This is what keeps me up at night. This AND the very bizarre Lindsey Lohan/E-Trade lawsuit. Have you heard about that crap? She is seriously disturbed.