Wednesday, November 18, 2009

My Own Personal Field of Dreams

Do you ever feel like you are on the verge of something big?

A friend of mine recently posed that question, and it struck a chord with me. A deep chord. Because the answer is a resounding YES! I constantly feel like there is something just around the corner, just around the next bend in the road, that will be huge and life-changing for me. Maybe it's a product of the adoption process. While you are waiting for your child it feels like your life could change at any moment. Because it can. And it does. And it DID.

But this feeling is a little different. It hits me mostly when I am at work. I feel like there is someone standing behind me (not in a creepy way), tapping me on the shoulder all day long, saying, "There are other things you should be doing! Why are you wasting your time? You shouldn't be here!" And then the inevitable question comes from me in response: "What am I supposed to be doing??" And then....silence.

Help a girl out here, I want to scream! Why is it that I constantly feel like I am destined for bigger and better things in my work life but I have no idea how to get there or even what that bigger and better destination might be?

I seriously feel like Kevin Kostner in Field of Dreams. I'm not hallucinating dead baseball players, thank God. But I do feel a longing for something I can't yet see. In that way it IS a whole lot like the adoption process. Your heart longs for a child you have never met. That isn't so crazy, is it? So why do I feel like I am going nuts here?

I think it's perfectly logical to have dreams and goals. And I have written about that a lot on this blog already. But this is different, somehow...

I envy people who have CLEAR goals and a vision for what they want to be when they grow up. I envy people who have definable skills, too. As a product of a liberal arts education I feel like I have missed out on the opportunity to have a specific skill set. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of great things about a liberal arts education. It's a well-rounded education, they say. But I often think that I might have been better off and saved my parents thousands of dollars by getting a 2-year technical degree. But no, I went with the expensive and, by and large, more general education. English writing major. Hmmmm. And now, I can do lots of things. Lots of things that don't get me the jobs I want or make the money that I am worth. I'm frustrated by my complete lack of professional focus. Can you tell??? ;)

More than anything I want to work for myself. Doesn't everybody? I will dare to keep dreaming that dream.

I feel like I am on the verge of something big. How about you?


  1. You know I hear ya on this one!!! If only I knew the answer...


  2. Sometimes what we seek is right in front of us, we just need to look through a new lens.

  3. I feel the same way. Well, not exactly. I don't feel like there's anyone standing over my shoulder or that there's something big right around the corner. I feel your career frustration. I've been in the mortgage industry my whole life. That's not exactly working out as well as it used to. Two years ago I was a VP and now I'm a contract (temp) underwriter. It's all I know. I did figure out what I'd rather be doing but it's going to take a long time to complete the schooling necessary for that dream. Hope you figure out what you'd like to do soon so you can get started on it!

  4. Goodness, I could have written this post. I think having your eyes opened so wide (in my case through 2 international adoptions) you never look at anything the same again. I wonder how I do what I do every day at work knowing that in the great scheme of things it is... can I say crap?? because that is what it is. I have a constant inner struggle to do more, be more, help more, change more but how to begin is the question I am struggling to answer right now. Thank you for making me feel like I am not alone.

  5. Sometimes I do feel like I'm on the verge of something big...then I get in the way. Go figure!

    Thanks for the follow.

    ps - if you find that pill you mentioned send it my way!!! I'm eating a salad when what I really want is nachos!

  6. Hi! Stopping by & following from MBC.

    My something big is my blog. I am a stay at home mom, and I have read so many articles about making money by blogging. For weeks, if not months, now I have been thinking about really pushing my blogging a bit harder. I've signed up with some ad companies, and I really feel like with some prayer, and if it is God's will that something big might come from my little rambles @ Probably nothing huge, but at least something that will make me feel as if I'm doing something.

    Good luck to you! Hope you will stop by and visit.

  7. Uhm, yes. I feel like 2010 is going to be an awesome year. I have no idea why... and I didn't even feel that way this time last year... and this was a pretty incredible year! So I feel like I'm on the verge of something big... something exciting... now I just want to know what!


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