Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Let the Truth Be Told, On Tuesday

I'm not sure you're ready for this truth, because I am not.

The truth? Our son is being kicked out of daycare.

We just learned this little fact yesterday. We have TWO WEEKS to find him new care.

He is "too active", requires too much attention and they can't handle him anymore.

Apparently he knocks over toys that the other (older) kids set up. He jumps off of furniture. He is too rough with the one year old girl they watch.

He doesn't bite. He naps well. He eats well. He loves his daycare friends, gives them hugs and kisses when we say goodbye every day. But apparently knocking over the other kids' Lego towers crosses the line.

I didn't realize his offenses require expulsion. I was under the impression that instead of getting kicked out of daycare we might try to work on these things as a team with patience, discipline, time, communication ... but I must be wrong.

It's apparently no warnings and you're OUT. After 15 months with barely a peep about his behavior.

The message we got is that our son is not worthy to be at their home for care. He's not good enough.

This is the moment in parenthood that you dread. The moment where your fears about not doing a good enough job look like they are being validated. Someone is telling you to your face that they don't like spending time with your child.

I feel like I have failed...

We are the first to admit that Miles is a spirited child. He can be difficult. But he is far from the bad kid that he is being labeled. He is a good kid.

I guess I imagined this past weekend where he didn't have one bad moment. Not one meltdown. I must have made that up in my mind. It must not be possible.

I feel like shit. There's the truth.


  1. That is horrible! What a terrible daycare lady to not even try to work it out. Don't feel bad, she is an idiot.

  2. Ahhh...doesn't this woman know anything about development? These are age appropriate things he is doing.

    You didn't fail. THEY failed you AND Miles. I know it sucks...but he is totally better off somewhere else where he will be appreciated and loved in all his spunk! It is very, very hard to find a good daycare provider. There are a lot of idiots out there. Check out those referrals on FB...that is always the best way. Good luck, hon!

  3. Don't feel bad. It sounds like more of a daycare issue than a child issue. Now, I have a wild child. I would not be surprised if he got expelled. It sounds like they have other reasons for dropping him and just told you it was his behavior. I am following from MBC and will be back!

    HUGS - We all have those days where we feel like horrible parents. Been there, done that. It gets better.... my oldest is 15 and I can say that with a straight face...

  4. Wow! I can't believe how they handled this! I am truly flabbergasted (um, not gonna look up the spelling there, so forgive me as it's probably wrong). I mean, first, I know Miles. He is such a love and he is such an awesome kid! Second, yeah, kids knock over stuff from other kids - hello, you call yourself a daycare provider and you don't get that? He's 20 months old for crying out loud, it happens! I am livid right now! Third, how does she not give you a heads-up that this is an issue for her before she kicks him out? That's unbelievably unprofessional! Fourth, isn't Miles probably an easier child now in almost every way than he was in some of the earlier months? I feel I can say that cause we've talked about it and that's how Delaney is too - they're happy freaking kids these days, energetic, yes, but happy! Joyful! Communicative! So he wasn't a problem for 15 months and now it's so difficult he has to be gone in two weeks?

    YOU have not failed. You are great parents and Miles is an awesome kid. Yes, they are essentially telling you that he is not worthy of being in their care. What the truth is that THEY are not worthy of being a part of such an awesome young man's life. THEY have failed you and Miles.

    I know, or I am guessing, that part of this being so hurtful and unbelievable is that you have loved that daycare for Miles since day 1 - we were talking about it not that long ago! I'm sure that piece of it just makes a bad situation even worse.

    This all sucks, it really does. I wish there was something I could do to help! I know you'll find a great alternative for Miles, someplace that can embrace all the awesomeness he has to offer - which is mountains and mountains worth.

    Keep me updated - love you!

  5. OK - like the others have said, this is totally not an issue with your kid... it's a daycare issue. Wow. I can't even believe that. I've got a wild child too, and believe me... everything he's doing is not only ok, it shows awesome development. As much as this sucks, and boy does it suck, I say:


  6. You are way off the mark saying that you failed. Children come in all different shapes, sizes, anc colors (as we both know:) and they also have different personalities. I remember when my 12 year old was 2. I showed up at the sitter's house and got the same comments you received. She was yelling AND pointing at my sobbing 2 year old... "SHE bites! SHE kicks!! SHE hits!!! I don't know what to do with her!" I screamed back, 'THIS IS NORMAL!!' And then I removed her and didn't look back. I luckily found a wonderful sitter who looked after Bella for 3 years and adored her spirited nature. In fact, she preferred the kids with some spunk over the kids that cowered in the corner!

    You seriously don't want Miles with someone who doesn't understand his ways of doing things while he discovers the world. He is only a little boy with many hours of jumping from couches and knocking down towers ahead of him. Use this time to find someone who will ADORE that side of him!!! Too bad for the sitter who is giving that up:(

  7. Not gonna lie... I laughed when I read this. Believe it or not, this has happened to us... twice! I felt the same way you are feeling! Hang in there, it's nothing you have done wrong. Some children have more energy than others and some daycare providers are lazy and only want non active kids who sit infront of the TV and veg all day! Hugs.

  8. I'm so sorry, Anne. What a mess to deal with. I'm confident you'll find a daycare that can tap into his energy instead of become so frustrated by it. I LOVE spirited kids - independence, strong will and energy are wonderful characteristics to have. Hmm...I must have a kid like this too. :)

  9. I didn't read the previous comments, so I'm sorry I am repeating someone...but don't beat yourself up over this. The provider is the one who can't handle him. My daughter (who is now 14 and an honor student) was also spirited and ALSO kicked out of her first daycare. The woman watching her had a son the same age and they were always "fighting" and jealous of each other I guess - she was about 18 months old at the time.

    You don't want your son with someone who can't handle him anyway. You'll find some one better. My "spirited" child is still my biggest challenge to raise, but she is so smart and determined in all she does - I know she will do great things. Hang in there.



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