You thought this was going to be the story of how Grant proposed to me, didn't you? Didn't you??? It's not. Although that would be an interesting post...
The kind of proposal I'm talking about is of the professional sort. I am going to make a proposal to my "boss" (those who know where I work can understand why this is in quotes...I work for Jesus...) about my work schedule. I want to work one day less a week. Well, a half-day less. Confused? Yeah, me too.
Let me back up a bit.
Yesterday when I picked up Miles from daycare (Sharon's) I heard these gut-wrenching words for the first time: "I want stay Sharon!" (translation not needed, right?)
When I heard him say that I wanted to do all of these things simultaneously: 1) Curl up in a ball and do the ugly cry. 2) Tell Sharon that I will not be needing her anymore because I am quitting my job to stay home full time. 3) Tell Miles that sounds like a good plan, see ya in the morning.
Now, let me just say that #'s 1 and 2 were the most prevalent thoughts at the time but #3 did sneak in there for a second (I was dreaming of a long, leisurely dinner with Grant and not doing the bedtime fight that is *so* fun right now). Those are words that you just don't want to hear. You want your child to run joyfully into your arms and be gleeful about the opportunity to come home with you. Most days he IS happy to see me and DOES want to come home with me. But he was in a mood yesterday. A foul one. However, that's beside the point. The point is that if Miles could hold up his middle finger he totally would have flicked me off right then and there.
Here are a few side thoughts: I don't want this to become a forum for Stay-at-Home vs Working moms. I do not engage in that kind of discussion because I think to each their own. I don't judge and hope no one else would judge me for decisions our family has to make in that area. I, personally, always want to work. And if we want to pay our mortgage every month I have to work. I think SAHMs are amazing, but I could never, ever do it. BUT (and this is a big BUT) this does not mean that I don't have oodles and oodles of Mama Guilt about it. Especially when my son would rather stay at his daycare provider's house than come home with his own mama. It's natural, I know, for him to be attached. And thank GOD he is! He loves Sharon and loves it there. But still....there is that lingering feeling of guilt that I am not home with him all day, every day.
I know he loves me. I know this because he won't even let go of me long enough to let me pee by myself.
And this comes off of a week (last week) where he was having SEVERE separation anxiety. If I would even look at my car keys he would burst into tears and not stop for hours. Seriously. It was sort of scary but I think it's a normal phase that all kids go through. We are now constantly reminding him that mama ALWAYS comes home. That seems to be helping.
Anyway, the point of this whole, long story is that I am going to propose that I have Fridays off. I only work half days on Fridays anyway, and could probably squeeze the hours that I would miss on Fridays into my Monday-Thursday schedule. I would like to have a whole day with him every week....just the two of us. I love the weekends when daddy is around but I would also love to spend some time with Miles that is purely our own. Know what I mean?
I have been thinking about this for a long time but Miles' words yesterday just pushed me into action.
So, I am going to breach this with the powers that be this afternoon. I have a good argument all laid out and I think I have a good shot. But there is always the very real possibility I will get rejected.
Will I get my wish? Look for "The Proposal (Part 2)" ... coming soon!