Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Proposal (Part 1)

You thought this was going to be the story of how Grant proposed to me, didn't you? Didn't you??? It's not. Although that would be an interesting post...

The kind of proposal I'm talking about is of the professional sort. I am going to make a proposal to my "boss" (those who know where I work can understand why this is in quotes...I work for Jesus...) about my work schedule. I want to work one day less a week. Well, a half-day less. Confused? Yeah, me too.

Let me back up a bit.

Yesterday when I picked up Miles from daycare (Sharon's) I heard these gut-wrenching words for the first time: "I want stay Sharon!" (translation not needed, right?)


When I heard him say that I wanted to do all of these things simultaneously: 1) Curl up in a ball and do the ugly cry. 2) Tell Sharon that I will not be needing her anymore because I am quitting my job to stay home full time. 3) Tell Miles that sounds like a good plan, see ya in the morning.

Now, let me just say that #'s 1 and 2 were the most prevalent thoughts at the time but #3 did sneak in there for a second (I was dreaming of a long, leisurely dinner with Grant and not doing the bedtime fight that is *so* fun right now). Those are words that you just don't want to hear. You want your child to run joyfully into your arms and be gleeful about the opportunity to come home with you. Most days he IS happy to see me and DOES want to come home with me. But he was in a mood yesterday. A foul one. However, that's beside the point. The point is that if Miles could hold up his middle finger he totally would have flicked me off right then and there.

Here are a few side thoughts: I don't want this to become a forum for Stay-at-Home vs Working moms. I do not engage in that kind of discussion because I think to each their own. I don't judge and hope no one else would judge me for decisions our family has to make in that area. I, personally, always want to work. And if we want to pay our mortgage every month I have to work. I think SAHMs are amazing, but I could never, ever do it. BUT (and this is a big BUT) this does not mean that I don't have oodles and oodles of Mama Guilt about it. Especially when my son would rather stay at his daycare provider's house than come home with his own mama. It's natural, I know, for him to be attached. And thank GOD he is! He loves Sharon and loves it there. But still....there is that lingering feeling of guilt that I am not home with him all day, every day.

I know he loves me. I know this because he won't even let go of me long enough to let me pee by myself.

And this comes off of a week (last week) where he was having SEVERE separation anxiety. If I would even look at my car keys he would burst into tears and not stop for hours. Seriously. It was sort of scary but I think it's a normal phase that all kids go through. We are now constantly reminding him that mama ALWAYS comes home. That seems to be helping.

Anyway, the point of this whole, long story is that I am going to propose that I have Fridays off. I only work half days on Fridays anyway, and could probably squeeze the hours that I would miss on Fridays into my Monday-Thursday schedule. I would like to have a whole day with him every week....just the two of us. I love the weekends when daddy is around but I would also love to spend some time with Miles that is purely our own. Know what I mean?

I have been thinking about this for a long time but Miles' words yesterday just pushed me into action.

So, I am going to breach this with the powers that be this afternoon. I have a good argument all laid out and I think I have a good shot. But there is always the very real possibility I will get rejected.

Will I get my wish? Look for "The Proposal (Part 2)" ... coming soon!


  1. I hope your wish comes true! I will tell you though that Hayden never wants to come home with me when I pick him up. Never. He goes to a Mother's Day Out 2 mornings a week... when I pick him up, he wants to stay with Madelyn (his girlfriend). He cries to me on the way home that he just wants to stay and rest with her (I pick him up before nap time because he doesn't nap... he only goes half day... he cannot stay for nap time... it is not an option). It tears me up when he does this... sometimes he comes with me and he is complacent and it isn't as much of a struggle... but he always would prefer to stay there. Always. I have cried about it sometimes when he cries to me in the car that he doesn't want to go home... that he just wanted to stay... that he doesn't want to be with me (and yes, he says those things as he hysterically cries). It makes me sad. Very sad.

    This Fall he won't be in the same class as his girlfriend anymore - which may be a good thing. Mayeb he will be happy to come home with me. I am glad that he loves his friend (and his school), but I would love for him to want to come home with me too... it makes me feel like an awful mother when he doesn't want to come home with me. And that isn't a good feeling...

    Okay... I have now written a book. I hope you enjoyed it!

    Talk with you later...

    - Melissa

  2. Oh, good luck!!! I'll have my fingers crossed for you!!!

  3. The whole world should have a three day weekend in my opinion.

    But it is just a phase (probably) with miles wanting to stay extra. And it's a better phase than the alternative crying and making you feel horrible!

  4. Good luck, Anne! Sounds like a perfect plan.

  5. Good luck! I hope that you get it!!

  6. Oh, I hope it works out! I know that I'll never be able to be a stay at home mom either (for my sanity and the kids. Obviously I don't know if I won't be able to for financial reasons either). Props to those who can, but I sure as heck couldn't.

    That being said, I do see the need for having at least one alone day with the child(ren). From babysitting, I do see the kids act out and be resentful when mom and dad are gone too much. Not that they are overly naughty, but they tend to be more difficult just because they'd rather mom or dad, not Miss Marianne. Can't say I blame them.

    My mom has always worked at least 3 days a week. Seriously, I think she got the best of both worlds. Definitely what I hope to be able to do!

  7. I hope that you can make it work.

    As a sahm, when you were talking about time off, I thought you were going to say that you were going to let him stay all day for that day and take that time off for yourself. *blushes*

  8. I wish you the best and I'll stay tuned for a positive post next. (Fingers crossed!)

  9. I'm hoping that you get the response you want!

  10. I hope it works out. I would love to work Mon-Thursday. I have those same guilt feelings all the time. My kids (now 12, 11, and 4) have grown up with a blink of my eye. I have no idea where the time went. I think if you can make it work, do it. Good luck!

  11. Well, since I'm late reading blogs, I hope it went well!

  12. I hope you got your day off. I was working insanely hours and never saw Carson for about a year. I finally decided that it was not worth it anymore and I could still work but just 4 days a week and have one off with him. I have to say that it has been the most rewarding thing for me. We do a ton of activities together and have just Mommy and Carson time. I can't wait to hear.

  13. I'm so behind (well, more reading out of order than anything else)... I hope your "boss" goes for it! Sounds like a great idea to me. Yes, Miles is going through a phase (or two) and no, that one comment doesn't mean you have to turn things upside down, but I think having that one full day a week for just the two of you sounds like a great idea. Hope you have good news on it to share soon!

  14. I hope it happens for you. Especially during the summer!

    I have guilt feelings if I want to make dinner by myself and have a complete thought without someone needing me so I understand.

    I bet Miles and Sarah would be friends.


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