Monday, June 14, 2010

Poetry That Makes Sense to Me

If you are waiting to hear the outcome from this post, well....get in line. Me too.

If you checked in to hear me bitch about my toddler then you have come to the right place. After reading this post you will wonder why I want to spend extra time with our little monster. Again, get in line...I am wondering the same thing today, too. :-)

Here's a little poem I wrote that pretty much sums up where I'm at with the Terrible Twos right now. And I am not a big fan of poetry. I did all I could in college to avoid taking a poetry class. I think I begged my advisor and maybe bribbed her with some Olive Garden gift certificates if I could only just NOT take poetry. I don't like it. Are you pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?

But this, THIS is poetry that makes sense to me.

To My Dear, Sweet Two Year Old

When you cry I want to drink.
When you scream I want to drink more.
When you cry and scream until you throw up I want to break out the hard liquor and a straw.
When you whine I want to inject the vodka straight into my veins.

Oh, my two year old, don't cry because I won't let you eat ice cream for breakfast.
Oh, my two year old, don't scream because I put you in a time out. For the 12th time.
Oh, my two year old, don't kick me when I am trying to change your diaper.
Oh, my two year old, can I take a nap?

Dear sweet little 30 pounder, love of my life,
Give me a break.
Dear sweet size 3T-wearing and defiant child of mine.
I love you so.

But next time you whine and cry and scream...
Go find daddy first.

Mama's sleeping.
And sleeping.
And sleeping.
You tired her out.
And the vodka didn't help, either.


  1. Aren't they lovely? Hayden goes through phases... some weeks he is "nice" and other weeks he is "not nice." Right now, he is doing pretty good. The "season" could change soon though...

  2. I SO feel you pain. I wished we lived closer so we could have a few drinks together. Or not. We'd probably become alcholics with 2 2 year olds between us....wait. It's probably better than drinking and becoming an alcoholic by my lonesome.

  3. Yes, Yes and then Yes.
    Right there with you sister......

  4. Hi are on LOL link up and enjoy..!

  5. Are you going to die if I tell you that it's been my experience that 4 and 5 are harder than 2?

    But I've also been really blessed with awesome 2 year olds that I take care of.

    The good thing though is that you know it can't get much worse, so that means it can only get better!

    Hang in there momma. And if you need to hit the bottle a few extra times, I won't judge ;)

  6. We didn't get to that stage of misery until age 4. Just remember, this too shall pass.

    And then it will come back again.

    But then it will pass.

  7. Sarah throws up from crying too hard too. I hate that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. LOL!!! I love it. That's about what my days are like too.

  9. oh, honey, I feel you! Eventually he will be five-and off to school! :)

    Mine is 16, and that is a whole 'nother fresh hell of its own...I think we all learn to live for the moments when they do just the right thing at just the right moment and you remember why you wanted to have kids in the first place! Hang in there!

  10. Oh boy. Oh boy Oh boy oh boy. Right there with ya! :-)

  11. You are singing my tune! Z's terrible 2s started at 18 months and I'm still waiting for them to subside. She's five. Blah.


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