Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Are We There Yet?

My sister and I are 6.5 years apart. And she hated me growing up. I was always the little, pesky sister who wanted to hang out with my older sister and all of her friends. But I wasn't wanted. I was the little sister who tended to be the center of attention. And she didn't like it.

So, we didn't get along.

Until I was 12.

She went to college.

Then she decided that if she didn't have to live with me, I was ok.

I think it took both of us growing up to realize that we were all we had! Each other. Siblings. And we actually liked each other!

And now she and I are very close, thankfully.

It just makes me think about timing. Life is all about timing. (Deep Thoughts by Anne. That one's for you S & S!) When is the right time to adopt a sibling for Miles? How far apart should our kids be?

I think the short answer is that there IS NO ANSWER.

It doesn't matter how close or far apart siblings are. It just matters if it is the right time for your particular family situation.

I keep thinking that I will know when the time is right. I feel like I will know when we are there. I haven't felt that yet. And maybe it will never come? In some ways I feel like our family is not yet complete and that little girl I have always dreamed of has yet to join our family. But again...there is no right or wrong answer here.

When I get the pang for another baby I am often quickly snapped out of it my the shrill screeching of my toddler throwing a tantrum. And then I am back to reality!

So, are we there yet? No. Not yet.

But maybe someday?

Life is all about timing.


  1. Trust your gut!! You'll know when you know.

  2. gosh, I don't think you can ever be really ready, but I do think you'll know when the right time is. in the meantime, feel free to come snuggle our little one to help you decide!

  3. Randy and I are in the same spot you are - although we are trying to decide when to start trying as opposed to adopting. Right now is NOT the time. Randy is ready. I am not. I need to be in a better place with things before I have another child. So we are waiting. It may be a few weeks, a few months, or longer. I actually just wrote (another) post about this that I plan on posting soon. I have a lot of concerns about sibling gap and whether or not it will "work out." But in the end, I think as long as the time is right for you... then it will work out. Mayeb not exactly as you planned, but it will work. And with Randy and I trying to conceive, you never know when and if that conception will occur. Good luck as you try and figure out when is the right time... I hope and think that you will get it right.

  4. It's a tough one. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't quite *there* before we started the process for our second. But life has a way of working itself out, no matter what timing we choose. Or at least, I hope it does!

  5. I love my 2 brothers to death but I just had a feeling my son was meant to be an only child and I the mother of one...sometimes I often wonder if I have robbed him of the joy/torture that comes with sibblings..

  6. Of course I think you are brilliant! I know that whenever (if, though I do believe for you it is when) you add a second you will do great. But yeah, when is the right time? I see both sides of things - on one hand yeah, if you wait for the timing to be perfect you may never find that window. On the other hand, sometimes it's good to wait until things feel right. There definitely is such a thing as a WRONG time to add another!

    I always thought that I'd have more than one - I used to feel as if I'd be broken-hearted if I wasn't able to add at least one more. Lately, not feeling that so much. But different days bring different feelings. And as for age gap, yeah, I think it SO depends on the kids. And as you learned, how siblings are when they are young does not necessarily reflect how they are as adults. I think it can really backfire to do specific timing based on the assumption kids will then be besties through all of life, personality just has too strong a pull on that. But I know from my mom and her siblings, things change - different relationships have different dynamics in different eras of time (she's one of 11).

    So all that rambling is just a way of a) saying I think you are brilliant and spot-on and b) me procrastinating from dealing with work/life/child on my end! :)

  7. My thoughts on this vary day to day. Sometimes I realy feel the urge for another, sometimes not so much. I guess time will tell...

  8. We have 2 and I feel the same way. We are 80% sure we are done, but there is always that nagging question...

  9. We sort of half decided to have only one child and the other half of the decision was made for us by the fact that we failed to have a second kid. My sister is exactly 6.5 years older than me too. We didn't get along well as kids and our relationship is strained and painful most times now. I suppose having that experience influences our decision.

    I do agree that the age between siblings isn't as important as the personalities. You can't pick the personalities.

  10. I always wanted less then 2 years between my kids. But with adoption we could start now and there might end up being 5 years between them, you know.

    As you saw growing up, you grew close regardless of age. You'll know when it's right, or maybe Miles will and he'll start asking.

  11. I don't think there's such a thing as the "right" time. There are better times than others, and likely worse times than others. But "Right" implies perfect and perfection doesn't exist. So, go with your gut and keep your eye out for the feeling that "maybe right now is better than 6 months ago, even if it's not perfect."

    I should be a politician...

  12. I'm finally catching up on your blog! For us, this is not even the question right now. The question is, "Will we have another?" I just read a great article in Time about the one and only child. It gave us a lot to think about. Do we want another child? Is it the best for our family? Are we depriving Alex if we don't have a sibling for him? Big questions with no answers right now. We aren't there yet.


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