Monday, January 11, 2010

2010 GW Fresh Air Act

Clearly, my husband has too much time on his hands.

I got this from him in an email today (see below), and just had to share it. I think it's rather brilliant and well thought out. I would totally sign this into law if it were a real "Act" and if I were a real elected leader. It is not and I am not, but it's fun to think about anyway.

This all stems from a co-worker of his who goes out for smoke breaks and comes back smelling like she just baked herself in an oven full of cigarettes. He can't stand it. The entire 'campus' they work on is smoke free, and he feels that should also cover not having to smell second-hand stale cigarette smoke every couple of hours. He works in cubicle-land (ever seen the movie Office Space? Um, yeah...) so it's close quarters. If you have too much garlic for lunch I'm afraid your buddy in the cube next to you is going to know about it. It's a fact of life. But I think his argument has some teeth, I really do. Because isn't it true that if you are a smoker you are somehow automatically entitled to take more breaks, therefore work LESS than everyone else? I'm just sayin'...

Of course, this is all in good fun. But there is something SO TRUE about it, too.

2010 GW Fresh Air Act

Sponsor: GW

Submission Date: January 11, 2010

1. Petition:

a. I, GW, hereby declare that smoke breaks shall include a minimum of five (5) minutes spent outside after extinguishing the cigarette.

2. Multiple Smoker Clause:

a. If there are multiple smokers (more than one individual) at a given location, the five minute air-out period must be spent walking or otherwise moving in an area of fresh air. This will eliminate the collection of second hand smoke on clothing and in lungs before returning to work.

3. Productivity adjustment:

a. All non-smokers shall henceforth receive a 6.3% increase in compensation. All smokers shall suffer a 6.3% decrease in compensation. 8 hours worked per day, 2 smoke breaks, 15 minutes per break, .5/8=6.3% of the day wasted outside while the hard-working non-smokers are toiling away to compensate for the deficiencies of the smoker.

b. If a smoker illegally receives the compensation increase dedicated to non-smokers he/she shall pay retribution to the organization for maliciously harming all non-smokers and be tied outside by the pinky toes for the five minutes missed.

4. Punishment:

a. If the air-out period is not properly recognized the accused shall be required to pay a fine of no less than $50 per occurrence to all co-workers affected by the stench. No limit on the number of co-workers. “Affected by the stench” can be defined as simply smelling the smoke when the accused person walks by.

5. Exclusions:

a. If a company installs car wash dryers on the exterior doorway near the smoke break area the five minute air-out period will not be necessary. If the blowers are not working properly or are being serviced for routine maintenance the five minute air-out period will be enforced.

and Grant ;)


  1. TOTALLY on-board with every detail! As the only non-smoker in a family of smokers, I think the bill should be widely adopted and adapted. And the non-smoker work productivity thing KILLS me - drove me nuts when I worked at Sun Country with a bunch of smokers!!!

  2. LOVE this. I could have used this bill during my "cubicle days" Sigh.

  3. Amen to that! I need to institute it for some of my students. Blech!


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