March Madness: Terrible Twos

Grant and I are in the process of writing our wills and it's a good thing we are. Because I don't know if I'm going to survive the toddler years with my son.

The Terrible Twos might be the death of me. In the very least it will drive me to drink. More.

I a.d.o.r.e. our son. I think he is the coolest kid I have ever known or will know. He is wicked smart, dang funny and full of LIFE. And impossibly cute, to boot. But there is a reason why God made toddlers cute. It's a defense mechanism for them. Kinda like the puffer fish.

Now, if only God made teenagers cute....

But I digress.

The whining, the crying, the tantrums! And that's just ME! ;)

I won't go into the details because he is doing normal toddler stuff: testing his limits, pushing our buttons and generally being a pain in the ass. Ha. Our daycare provider (a.k.a. Saint Sharon) tells us she does a lot of deep breathing techniques when Miles throws one of his fits. She says it has gotten worse lately, but assures us that it will get better. Oh, I hope she is right. Otherwise we are going to get booted out of yet another daycare. *sigh*

It will pass, as all things do. Everything with kids is a phase. He will get over it, and so will I.

And in the meantime I get through it with patience and deep breathing.

And vodka.


[more about vodka in tomorrow's post]

March Madness: Let's Talk About Sex

It's day 3 of March Madness and already I have run out of things to write about. Not really, but it FEELS like that.

So, I ask my right-hand man (crude joke, sorry) what I should write about.

His response?

"Sex."

Raise your hand if you are surprised by this very typical male response. Nope, not surprising at all.

"Sex. It's always sex." he says.

There is a great quote from Good Will Hunting (Minnie Driver says it): "Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your wiener, then you're acting directly on its behalf."

True. True. True.

By the way, G is no different than any other husband out there so this should not be a "OMG she is OVERSHARING" type of thing at all. Every man is the same. I have never ever met one who is different. Ever.

Then my wonderful hubby goes on to say that he can come up with something better for me to write about, although there really is nothing better than sex. "Everything starts with sex and then develops from there. But it's a starting point," he says.

Lovely.

So, here I am. Writing about sex. Just like you wanted, honey.

As punishment for thinking exclusively with his Johnson, my husband will write a "guest post" later on in March Madness. I wonder what he will write about... ;)

March Madness: The one where I nearly die

I was almost murdered in the shower this morning.

Okay, so I'm being overly dramatic. But I got your attention.

I swear to Jesus, Mary and Joseph that I heard someone trying to break into the house while I was in the shower this morning. I was in the house alone (Grant had already taken Miles to daycare at this point in the morning). A few seconds after stepping in I heard a BANG BANG BANG.

I let out a tiny little yelp. I mean, it was a loud, clear BANGing. It spooked me.

A couple seconds went by. Nothing.

Then I heard it again. BANG BANG BANG. This time I jumped.

It was definitely someone trying to break in, I thought. I am going to get murdered in the shower. And of course it's my only wish that I don't die naked. That would be embarrassing.

So, I did what any self-defending female would do: I grabbed a pair of scissors, threw on a towel and prepared to meet my attacker. I mean, I took a one-hour self-defense course 10 years ago so I'm totally prepared, right?

In the meantime I am coming up with a million alternate and more plausible scenarios of what it could be: the neighbor stopping by for a cup of sugar? Jehovah Witnesses, perhaps? No, it was definitely someone who wanted to kill me because of course that makes total sense.

So, I am walking around the house in my best stealth, ninja-like way, peeking around corners and out of windows.

I see...nothing.

I hear...nothing.

So I make sure the doors are locked. Whew! Close one. I was almost murdered in the shower, Psycho-style.

Now that I have dripped water all over the house and checked to make sure every room does not contain my murderer I head back to the shower.

The second I get back in the shower...you guessed it...BANG BANG BANG.

WTF!!! It sounds like it is coming from inside the house. It cannot be a neighbor, it is not my imagination, and it's not a ghost. I don't think.

So, I turn off the shower again, and grab my towel and scissors again, and creep back out of the bathroom...again.

At this point I think I am just being paranoid. And I think I'm right. Because I again find nothing. There isn't even a soul outside the house. Not a car or neighbor in sight. Crap, I am losing my friggin' mind.

I wish I could say that I figured out where the banging was coming from. But I don't have a clue. It's a mystery.

I conclude two things from this: 1) Maybe we should get a dog. Ok, maybe not. I'm a cat person. and 2) I need to stop watching CSI. It's screwing with my head.

March Madness: Day 1

What the HELL have I gotten myself into here?? I had to open my big mouth and be all, "I'm going to blog every single day for a month"--GAH! Damn.

So, what to write about....

I got nothin'. See ya'll later!

Just kidding, of course. I'm not going to quit before I've even started. I'm a blog loser but not that much of a blog loser.

I have gone back to read my blog theology and my first few posts to see if I can get my head back in the game. The thing that strikes me about blogging is that (and I mention this in my very first post) it's soooo narcissistic. So much of what we do these days is. Facebook. Twitter. Blogs. It's all electronic narcissism. But here's the catch: I'm okay with that. And if you are reading this blog I bet you are, too. If you are on FB, Twitter, or have a blog (or even just read blogs) you are a part of this culture...like it or not.

If you know me IRL (ummm, that means in real life, just FYI. Oh, and FYI means for your information. LOL! Oh, and LOL means...nevermind...) you know that I'm not all that vain. Except about my feet. I think I have pretty feet. No really, let me get a pedicure and then I'll take a picture. You'll see ;) Anyway, I just don't think I'm all that and a bag of chips. In fact, as is evidenced by the complete lack of self-confidence I have about my blogging abilities, I am downright hard on myself most of the time. We all are, aren't we? The people that I know who are the most cocky, shall we say, are also the most insecure. Think about it. It's totally true.

So, at least for the month of March, I have decided to shelve my insecurities. After all, my first words on this blog were, "This blog is a work of love. It's my love child, of sorts. It's purely for me. For the love of ME." Not narcissism...therapy, exploration, fun.

In short: Life is short. Blog.

:-)

March Madness

Go big or go home.

I've heard that more than once in the past few weeks while watching the Olympics. I suppose it makes sense that "go big or go home" should be the mantra of Olympic athletes. If you get to the Olympics you are clearly at the top of your game and you have put yourself on the line for a goal. Pretty sure there are no half-assed Olympians. They GO BIG. Or they just go home.

I'm feeling convicted by that message these days, and here's why: I am feeling like a half-assed blogger. A fraud. A wannabe. Whatever you want to call it. I am feeling like a blog loser. This blog was supposed to be about honesty. It was supposed to be a place to write down anything and everything. It was going to be a place to explore some things I am working through in my life. But it has turned out to be NONE of those things.

Do you remember my first post? My blog theology is turning out to be more than I can live up to.

I love to blog, I love to write. So what's the big deal?? The big deal is that I feel blocked and just plain scared to put myself out there. There are SO MANY things that I could blog about. Despite what this blog may portray I do have a fairly interesting life. I have interesting stories. Funny friends. Etc... I have things to say. But I can't find my focus, I can't find my voice. I am scared to write about work for fear someone will take it the wrong way and I will get fired. I am timid to write boldly and honestly about many things because...well...I don't know why. I just can't. I could write about parenting all the live long day but this blog is supposed to be about the OTHER things in life. Parenting, yes. But the other things, too.

I don't know what I'm so worried about because I only have like 5 devoted readers anyway!! lol ;)

The posts that I HAVE written on here are truly authentic, they were things that were on my mind, or things I wanted to write about and from my heart. I don't feel like a fraud in that way at all. So I don't feel like I have necessarily let YOU down (my 5 readers) but I do feel like I have let myself down. Does that make sense?

My other blog (The Chronicles of Miles) is totally different because I know exactly what I want from that: a scrapbook of our lives with our son. Done. But this blog....it's more intangible. More eclectic. So, I'm never sure what direction to move with it. And then there's the whole idea of my two blogs conflicting--on The Chronicles of Miles I might post a happy, smiley picture of my son and then over here on All of the Above I might have a post about how I am really struggling with whatever the issue of the moment is with him...and then I feel inauthentic. Both accounts are correct and honest and true. But to the outside person it looks like I am playing Jekyll and Hyde. It's a conundrum. The blogs serve two very separate purposes, but I don't want The Chronicles of Miles to be the happy blog and All of the Above to be the bitchy blog. You know?

At this point you are thinking, "Dude, if you can't write then just DON'T. It shouldn't be this hard. You are over thinking it." You are right. Totally. Forcing a blog because I think I should do it is NOT a good idea. But I do want to do it. I just have to get my focus, get clear about what I want this blog to be....and GO BIG. Or shut up.

So, here's my plan. I am going to blog every single day in March. I'm going to call it March Madness because I think it will drive me insane ;) I am just going to see where this takes me. At the end of March if I don't think I have found my mo-jo then this blog will be yet another one of the millions out there that are abandoned. Or, I will sell it to the highest bidder. Just kidding.

I have no clue what I am going to write about. I hope it will come to me. I am just going to write for ME and hope that whatever comes out is fairly readable.

Will I go big? We shall see...

13, because there are no bones in ice cream

A glimpse into the kinds of conversations I have with my husband.


Anne: If mosquitoes didn't have wings would bats eat other kinds of bugs?

Grant: If a canoe was rolling down a hill and lost a wheel how many pancakes would it take to cover a doghouse?

Anne: What? [laughing]

Grant: 13, because there are no bones in ice cream.

Anne: [laughing harder]

Grant: What the hell? Why are you asking about wingless mosquitoes?

Anne: [still laughing] I was just reading an article about people who are genetically altering female mosquitoes so they don't have wings.

Grant: Well, then they would just bite your toes.

Anne: [more laughing]

Grant: Or, they would do it tick-style and climb up into your hairy parts and bite you where it counts.

Anne: [tears, gasping for air] Maybe they should just let the poor little mosquitoes have wings.

Grant: Yep.

Follow Up on Adoption Questions

Following up from the last post, here is a thoughtful question from a reader/friend who is considering adoption as a way to expand her family:

There's a transracial family at our daycare and I'm quite sure the littlest boy is adopted. I'd love to strike up a conversation with his mom sometime (our older kids are friends), but I don't want to accidentally say anything offensive. How do you bring it up? What's inappropriate? What's warm and welcoming?

That is such a GREAT question. I never want to give people the impression that they can't ask any questions at all, just not stupid, invasive ones that have to do with money. ;)

Although I am super happy to talk numbers with people who are in the adoption process and have serious questions. But if it's my 2nd cousin once removed who is just being nosy I am not into it.

Anyhoo...

I always like it when people approach me with a "I hope you don't mind me asking, but I was wondering if your child was adopted? The reason I ask is because we are thinking about adoption and would love to chat with you about your experience." Even if you left out the "we are thinking about adoption" part it is still a nice way to approach someone. But it's always good to give a follow-up reason as to why you are asking. I once had someone approach me and say that she loves seeing transracial families because she comes from one herself. Making a personal connection to the reason for your inquiry is always a good idea. But that being said, I am never offended if people just come up and ask me if he's adopted then then just say "cool" ;) That has happened a couple of times!

I am happy to talk to sincere people who want to know more about adoption because I am proud of our adoptive family, proud of our transracial family and am frankly just a happy camper when I can talk about how we came to be a family!

We just had an interesting experience with the hair stylist at Cost Cutters yesterday. (I know, our first mistake was actually going into Cost Cutters but we're on a budget here, people.) So, Grant was getting his hair cut while Miles and I just hung out and watched. I could hear most of their conversation and her questions went something like this:

"Is he yours?"

"I mean, I just didn't know since ... well, you know. Is he adopted?"

"Where is he from?"

"How long have you had him?"

"Do you keep in touch with his birthparents?"

And on and on. Then she launched into how to take care of his hair, like we haven't been taking care of it for the last 2 years just fine thank-you-very-much. ;)

It wasn't exactly the line of questioning that is the problem, it is the way in which she asked such deeply personal questions (especially about his birthfamily) when we had just met her 2 minutes earlier. And it wasn't because she wanted to adopt (she made that very clear: "I don't even know anyone who has ever been adopted!") or that she had a legit reason to ask us such questions. She was just being nosy and as we have already established I'm just not into nosy people. Grant handled it really well. We have had many conversations, between the two of us, about just how much information we are okay with sharing to the general public. So we always know when to draw the line and where our boundaries are. That's really helpful in these situations--I feel like we are a united front.

Again, it's not that the questions are bad, necessarily. It's that I guess I would never in a million years ask some of these questions to someone I don't know. So I am baffled when people ask us. I DO get the curiosity, like is said in the last post, I really really do. But curiosity is not a license for appropriateness to fly out the window.

People also say odd things about adoption because they assume things they just shouldn't. Another reader/friend brings this up in the comments to my last post. She said she hears this one a lot: "You know what happens after you adopt, don't you? You get PREGNANT!" Believe me, I have gotten that one, too. My reaction is similar to yours, dear friend. Laughter. If I wanted to get pregnant (and I have been--twice) I certainly would not adopt a child to accomplish that task. There are many people in this world who can't fathom the fact that I feel absolutely no need to be biologically related to my children. I just don't. I am not biologically related to my husband and that neither diminishes my love for him nor the ties that bind us as a family. Same goes with my son.

To each their own, I say!

C'mon. This is FUNNY: