Don't Ask

You know how there are certain questions that are just OFF LIMITS? Like, "How much do you weigh?" or "How much money do you make?" And they say you should never ask a women her age although that is much less of a faux pas in my eyes. Ask me again when I'm 40 and I might think differently about that.

The point is this: there are just certain things that you don't ask anyone. Ever. Right???

Here's another one to add to your list. Write this one down:

How much did your adoption cost?

Oh.my.God.

It's like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. I even had a hard time typing it.

And just why don't you ask such a question?

Because it's none of your damn business.

Oh, and did I mention that it's none of your bleep bleep bleeping business? Yeah, that too.

The rant is over and now the education begins.

Adoptive parents (at least most of the ones that I know) feel like when you ask that kind of question you are cheapening or degrading the way in which our child came into our families. I'm pretty sure I would never ask someone how much their c-section cost or how much they paid the doctor to pull the baby out of your va jay jay. I just wouldn't. Because it doesn't matter, does it?? No. It doesn't. And it doesn't matter how much we paid for the adoption in that same way.

You see, adoptive families already have a mountain to climb when trying to get people to understand that we are like any other family. A little different? Yes. But we love our kids just the same no matter how they come to us. A question like that just serves to draw the wedge between *them* and *us* even further.

And for the love of all that's holy please don't EVER EVER ask that question in front of an adopted child.

The other thing that is inferred in that kind of question is that adoption must be so expensive, how on earth can you afford it? Here's the deal on this one: We paid adoption professionals to help us be united with our child, yes. But in no way, shape or form do we ever think about the money as a sacrifice. It's not that we don't care or think about the costs associated with our adoption but ... it is what it is. It's a means to an end, the end being a child being joined with its forever family. Done.

And although most people want to make a big deal about the costs associated with adoption the truth is that it's not what's on the minds of most adoptive parents. You want to know what is? The paperwork, the homestudy, the social workers, the match process, and SO MUCH MORE. If you want to ask some good questions ask about that stuff! Adoptive parents are preparing for their child just as any other expecting parent would--nesting, shopping, babyproofing, etc... And AFTER the adoption process is over? Asking about how much it cost is such an absurd and irrelevant question there aren't even words. Our child is home with us where they belong! WHO CARES about the rest except for the person asking the stupid question?

And besides that it's none of your beeswax.

I would never associate a dollar amount with your child. Don't do that to mine.

I get the curiosity. I really do. But to ask that question is a huge faux pas.

Want to know how much adoption costs? Google it.

And then come back and talk to me about jumperoos and baby monitors. Because that is what I REALLY want to talk about.

Olympics Feeva!

Someone take my temperature. I think I have Olympics fever. Or rather, Olympics Feeva!

There is just something about the Olympics. Maybe it's all of the nations coming together and the [fake] unity that picture paints. Maybe it's that I still cry every every time I see a medals ceremony and they play the national anthems. Maybe it's hearing the amazing back stories for all of the athletes and then feeling like you really want them to succeed. Maybe it's the drama that all of the "thrill of victory, agony of defeat" creates. Maybe it's just plain fun rootin' on the home team.

I don't know what it is about the Olympics, but I love it.

Grant was jokingly saying, as we were watching pairs skating last night, that skating is for sissies. Holy cow, is that ever the furthest from the truth! Skating is for incredibly muscular, flexible people who have no fear of being flung 20 feet over cold hard ice. And for people with discipline, which I lack. Their costumes are a bit sissy-ish, I will admit. Did you see the pair that had kind of a "clown" theme going on?? Not cool.

In any case, I am completely in awe of the athletes. They dedicate their ENTIRE lives to one thing and have a singular goal in mind: GOLD. I can't imagine having that kind of focus.

I was trying to think, if I was forced to choose one winter Olympic sport to compete in, which would I choose?

You know what I came up with?

Curling.

I'm too much a wimp for any of the other sports. Alas, I will never be an Olympian.

Although, my name next to "5-time Gold Medalist" does have a nice ring to it.

*Oh! And now I have another thing to add to My Someday List: Go to the Olympics. (And by go to the Olympics I do mean as a spectator, as we have already determined I could never make it there of my own athletic prowess. Maybe Miles will be an Olympian?! As long as it's curling, I'm ok with it. Nice, safe, feet on the ground curling.)

Euro II Grow With Me Chair REVIEW

I have been wanting to do a review of the Euro II Grow With Me Chair for ages, and I am finally getting around to it. I am by no means getting any kickbacks for this review--I just wanted everyone to know about them!

I was first introduced to these awesome chairs by my sister who purchased them for her two boys several years ago. Her boys love them. The seat and the footrest are both adjustable which makes the "Grow With Me" part really true. I think the boys were 3 and 5 when my sister got the chairs for them, and now they are 6 and 8 and they STILL sit in them and love them.

Miles also loves his chair. In fact, the reason we have one is because of his obsession with his cousin's chairs. Every time we went to their house to eat he just HAD to sit in one of their chairs, and would refuse to sit in his highchair. I thought, what better way to get him to be excited to sit at the table! So my parents got us this chair for Christmas (thanks mom and dad!). I love love love not having the huge highchair sitting in our dining room anymore. This chair has the look and feel of a "regular" chair so of course it's much more stylish to have around, and the bonus is that it is appealing to Miles as a "big boy chair".

The chair comes with a plastic seat cushion, which I think could be improved upon, although it is very cleanable. My mom ended up sewing some chair cushions for the boys chairs that are much cuter and more comfortable. But for right now I am happy that I can just wipe the seat down and be done with it. (You can also purchase a backrest and seat cover online.)

If your child still needs a seat belt restraint and tray I would recommend the highchair version.

We chose the cherry color over the lighter natural color because it matched our dining room furniture best. But the one drawback to the darker color is that scratches (or teeth marks in our case) show up really well. The lighter color might be a better choice if your kid will be rough on it. The chair itself, though, is very sturdy. I never worry about Miles tipping it over. In fact, that would be hard to do, so I feel like he is really safe in it.

The best price I found online was $89.95, and if you can find a site with free shipping then BONUS! There are similar chairs out there but they are much more expensive. It's such a great investment for a wonderful chair that you will use every single day for years and years. I would highly recommend it for your kiddos!!!

Check-In with the Resolutions

1) I am still a blonde but now would like to be blonder. ;) Not like Kate Gosselin ugly blonde extentions crazy, but maybe a few more highlights next time. I enjoy the blonde-ness. (Seriously Kate, stop trying to re-live your youth, quit club hopping in NY and go home to your kids!)

2) I am utterly failing at my Gratitude Journal. There, I said it. That's the truth. Will I get back on the bandwagon? I sincerely hope so! I really have thought about it a lot, and it's the thought that counts, right? Ugh, not in this case. When it comes down to a choice of either getting 5 minutes of extra sleep or writing in my journal, I'm afraid sleep is winning right now. No more excuses!! Must keep writing...

3) The one resolution that is still coming along well, and even better than I expected, is the cash budget. LOVE the cash budget. I would highly, highly recommend it to anyone who is thinking about how to save money or get out of debt. But you need someone to keep you accountable. In my case it's my husband, but it could be anyone. I love the challenge of having a set amount of money to spend in a month, and trying to see how far I can stretch it. And it feels REALLY good knowing that we are in no way overspending. With a cash budget it's impossible to overspend. I'm honestly not sure I will ever go back to swiping my debit card again.

Am I the only one still talking about New Year's Resolutions out there? I feel a little bit like my next door neighbor who just can't seem to let Christmas go...she still lights up her tree (outside) every night. It's February. Live in the now. Grant and I have joked that we are going to go over there and "accidentally" unplug her tree if she doesn't pull the plug herself soon. :-)

But isn't that the whole point of New Year's Resolutions? To be successful at them?? To keep them going as long as possible??? Call me crazy, but I kinda think so.

Born From Our Heart

I am a brand-new fan of Mr. Ray. He writes songs that both kids AND parents can enjoy (imagine that!). But this song, Born From Our Heart (The Adoption Song) solidified me as a card-carrying member of the Mr. Ray fan club. I think this song hits me so hard not just because it's about adoption, but because of the "angel" imagery he uses. You see, Miles' middle name is Gabriel, and we always think of him as an angel sent from God. Not that he always acts like an angel, he is our angel nonetheless. :-)

This was the back of our birth/adoption announcement after Miles was born:


...hard to believe he is going to be 2 in a little over a month...


Born From Our Heart (The Adoption Song)

You start with hope
The wait can make you cry
Unanswered prayers
Things turn, you wonder why

The road can take you where it wants
Sometimes you have to just let go to hear life's song

It's meant to be
It was written in the stars
For us to see
A little angel to be ours
We're a family
We'll tell you where you came from
But you were born from our heart

Faith lights your path
Then one day lets you in
Inside the dream
Of something never seen

The beauty of your little smile
Each little sound you make
Takes our breath away

It's meant to be
It was written in the stars
For us to see
A little angel to be ours
We're a family
We'll tell you where you came from
But you were born from our heart

©2009 music & lyrics by ray andersen

How to Add Pages to Your Blogger Blog

Finally! Blogger is catching up to the needs of their loyal minions. I have been wishing for an easy way to create pages in Blogger for, umm, FOREVER. And now it's finally here!! Thank you, Blogger Gods!!!

I am a Blogger fan, don't get me wrong. I even tried to work with Wordpress, which to be honest I really liked and thought it had many great features that Blogger just can't offer. But you apparently can't teach this old dog new tricks because very soon I was back to Blogger. What can I say? After two years of using Blogger it was just easier to go with what I already knew.

SO, to the good stuff: How to add pages to your Blogger blog. We're talking about static information on stand alone pages here, people! Functionality! Yeah!!!

It's incredibly easy:

Dashboard--> Edit Posts--> Edit Pages

YEP. That's it. It's not brain surgery.

But it's oh so fun.

By the way, my pages are currently under construction so keep checking back to see what's new!

QUESTION: I just installed Live Writer and I like it. But I'm still getting my feet wet. How many of you use it, and do you like it? What are the advantages of using it over the standard Blogger editing functions? Do tell, do tell.

Eve

My bookclub just had one of it's most extraordinary nights.

And we have had a lot of amazing ones, so this is saying a lot.

We were so very lucky to have my friend Elissa Elliott, author of Eve: A Novel of the First Woman, join us for our discussion of her book this month. My mother introduced me to Eve and guided me to Elissa, and for that I am so grateful. She very graciously accepted my invitation (about 6 months ago!) and we had been looking forward to this evening with anticipation ever since.

Since Eve is filled with rich images of the Mediterranean, including the food (they apparently ate many, many figs!), we couldn't pass up the opportunity for a Mediterranean-themed dinner to go along with our discussion. Yummy food, pomegranate wine AND champagne and baklava to top it off.

It was heaven.

Speaking of heaven, I wish I could do this incredible book justice with an eloquent book review. But if I am being honest here (and it IS "Let the Truth Be Told Tuesday", right??) I am not insightful enough nor do I have the adequate words to do it the justice that it deserves. I will say that I stand in awe of this work of fiction. It's the hardest thing in the world to tackle a story that is so well-known. Can you imagine? Elissa took Eve, one of history and religion's most recognizable 'characters', and made you think that you are meeting her (and her family) for the very first time. The story she weaves is so believable, so thoroughly researched and so engaging you absolutely forget that you know how the story ends. Her prose is like poetry...it's really beautiful.

I could go on and on about how clear her vision of Eve as a mother is, how shockingly real the relationships are, how she makes you think (really think) about our relationship with the world and other people, how close you feel to knowing what the true nature of our connection to Elohim (God) truly is after reading her words ("Everything ordinary is extraordinary and points to one luminous thing, to a love that has already given its response. You have only to receive it.") ... but I will stop there.

Read this book. It will not be wasted time.

Thank you, Elissa, for your candor and humor and openness and insight and wisdom.

And thank you to my wonderful, precious bookclub. I would be lost without you!!!

Me, Brynn, Elissa, Siri, Karna and Jodi (we were missing Amy, Lorelee and Dawn!)